WOW Today was slightly eventful........For me it was.... Got up to Vakil's call today asking me whether I was going to college ...since I haven't graced that place enough with my presence thought Id do some gracing to day ..something to add to the list of my good deeds. So with much effort I pulled my droopy frame uo from bed n went to the wash basin to brush my teeth ..N wit the brush in my mouth...I customarily went to warm the milk on the stove ....however today the hall smelt funny ....I was dark n couldn't see ...N knowing what this funny smell indicates I thought Id take sone precautions .......and right I was ...ay annoying pet dog Cash decided to do his weekly quota of house pooping today the annoying mongrel !!!!I don't care if I hurt his feelings ....how would u feel if u had to clean poop n piss right early in the morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!YUCCK!!!I dnt know what the hell do we take him out for at night !!!!!! U would have thought that since he learnt the art of chasing ppl from pity (my bitch), he would also make it a point to learn her good house habits ...But NO!!!!! he doesn't !!! Goodness if only he was human ...he must not even know what he must be putting us through with such behavior ..he must smell nice to him self so maybe he thinks he is doing us some sort of favor!!!Ne ways he is a good dog ...only does stupid things at times !!!He is very weird I just cant think of him as non Human u know ..he has facial expressions n he reacts to what we say ...I like having him around he is extremely loving !!!
Now back to my day....after some poop cleaning ..I started to get dressed for college I called up Karen to check if she had left ..she didn't leave cause of the rains ..It poured like cats n dogs today!!
We did leave for college today but once we reached Grant Road Station we saw some of our college girls on the opposite platform telling Us to go back since the roads were water logged !!!!!!
I was in no mood of going back home !!!
Hey after all I did take the trouble to get up to do something, that If given a chance I would pass doing !!!
Might as well do the thing That I don't like (for the Fear of black list and our Dean , who by the way can be very annoying and even passively aggressive at times ..but that's her Job pooor thing ........I can now sympathise with her as I once had a dream that I was in the same position ... even in my dream the Job sucked ....if she likes it ....welllllll....good for her ....I would hate such a job that involves hard enforcement of authority for not very reasonable reasons ....nooo not a job for me .....)
While going to college today I was having a conversation with Karen, I recently was checking some sites concerning event management ....I am nineteen with no Job experience , Laziness as a trait and right now undergoing various mood swings cause of reasons that I have realised that I have no control over !!!! Next year my parents will be expecting me to work !!!!! N I Miss Zena Yarde .....to be double major in economics and psychology .....jumper from science to arts ...big talker about my philosophies of life .....dont know what I want to do!!!!!!!!!Aaaarrrrrgggghhhhh
I have come out with a list of options ...Some contradict the others but they are a start ....
- Listen to Sister Manisha and explore my vocation ....in other words become a nun (I defiantly am considering this.
- Charm a great guy ...making sure that he is rich too(this is desirable too)!
- Live with parents obey house rules and work part time in some call centre :((
- Pray that I get a lottery!!!
- Go on "Sach ka Samna" (The Indian version of "the moment of truth" )..embarrass my self but earn money.
- Beg .
- Or let go of all wordily possessions Shave my head off donate hair to a needy friend;) [Aaron if Ur reading this I'm writing u up in my will k (A big HA HA)] and travel the world with no money ..and trying to manage .
- ACT.....this is one thing that makes me feel alive very alive !!!!!!I love Acting!!!
- DRAWING PAINTING AND POTTERY!!!!this is something I wouldn't mid too!!!
- Event management !!!!! Frankly very skeptical ..cause I dont know much bout It ...I really dont want to end up doing something That I dont want to again ...yeah sometimes we gotta, but who ever said that!!!! Aren't u supposed to be joyous with what u do ???like arent you supposed to actually LIKE ur Job !!!!!!!
Out of my list of options ...options 1,4,5,7,8&9 are the most tempting!!!!I'm still contemplating event management ..but it doesn't feel that right ....Maybe cause I dont really know much about it u know......
I am actually looking for a safe option ..I dont want to regret this ...I dont even know if that is really possible now !!
When I told Karen that acting made me feel most alive ..she said the most simplest but most profound thing .......
She asked me "So if U know what makes you happy whats stopping you from doing it ??"..........................
................I tried to give excuses ..right from disapproving parents .......to "u dont earn that well at first" ......to hard ships, to "Im not even sure Id get where Id want to be !!!".....But these are what they are... EXCUSES ...............Nothing but my self is stopping me from doing what I want to do ....My fears, my anxiety and my negitivity are to blame .....and I realise that now ......
I dont want to be a wanderer ...Money isn't that important for me ...being happy and being successful is ...
10yrs from now I want to be living in my own home (a five bedroom hall kitchen) ...I want to be able to buy a new home for my MOm n Dad .......drive around in a hybrid car that doesnt pollute the environment !!!! be able to fund animal shelters ........
Yeah U need Money baby !!!!!!! bllurrh!!!
I dont know why I cant see my self working? ...maybe Im imagining It all wrong, I guess I have to" work " to actually understand what its all about !!!!!( WOAH This such a DUH!! thing!!! so dum dum dum obviously Ill know what working life will be once I start working!!!!!DUH !!!DUH!!! DUH !!!!!!!!!!!!)
See!! this is me worrying too much !!!!!! I guess right now there is nothing much to worry about accept college ! N the Dean, n Passing in my subjects .......I promised my aunt That I'd do well.....I will try and keep up to the promise.....
U Know ..I started the blog to tell u how after so many days ..I finally made it to Grant Road station n I had to take a U turn and come back home cause it rained heavily today!!!!!Somebody up there must really not want me to go to college ....N look where I reached!!
.....Oh welll ..Im not complaining ..
I will be going to college tomorrow and Like a good student Im going to conform..I will again try and stay awake for economics ..I will do the work sister Rosa gives me and I will study .....blah!!!!!!!!! Yeah I will study:(.....
Why oh why is the world so cruel!!!!!!
Well As I deal with my issues here ......I will be leaving you with a thought
Once when I was contemplating my shift from science to arts ...Sister Manisha was telling me that I would know the right decision if it gave me peace deep within .......it did ..I think ....so does the thought of acting ...its not a chore for me ........
She used this phrase ...Ill Put it in my own words
IF U ARE IN LINE WITH WHAT GOD WANTS YOU TO DO ......ITS LIKE A CUP AND SAUCER ...U WONT HAVE TO STRUGGLE ....THE CUP WILL FIT INTO THE RING OF THE SAUCER N U WOULD NOT HAVE TO USE ANY FORCE .....IT WILL JUST FIT ....
I was thinking about this as I was travelling back home ...wondering what is going to just fit ..........
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