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Thursday, August 27, 2009

FEELINGS .......

I don't Like them !!!! At all !!!!they are the most irrational part of me and dominate my life ....I can see Reason but I still cant help how I feel!!!!! Why oh Why DO we Feel ????? Especially the feeling of Love !!! more specifically Teenage Love !!!!!!!I never thought Id say this ...But for the want Of a better name !!!!!!! Its the most annoying thing ever ...I know I have to face it but life would e better without a part of U feeling that u don't want to feel this way towards some person ...... But U still do!!!!!! Well I cant blame feelings ..they tell us who we are and are the primitive part of our selves !!!! But what do u do when u feel something u don't want to feel ...?? Well you suck it up and realise .....feelings are irrational and primitive and Most of the time u are defined not by what u feel ...(cause obviously people don't see what you feel unless you tell them or let it show ) But by how you react to the feeling ............. Well for me when I feel I do have a tendency to feel deeply ...very deeply ....I don't know why it has to be that way but like it or not it is and its pissing off!!!!!!!!! Sometimes I wish I could wrap these feelings and throw them in some river and let them float away ........but unfortunately that's not a luxury any of us can afford ...cause even if we suppress what we feel it tends to manifest it self in unconcious ....n also physically!! ....some one told me that u get ulcers if u don't "let it out"!!!! LET IT OUT !!!!! and face the consequences! ....which may result in .........
  1. Good feelings or.....
  2. Further shit that you have to deal with !!!!!!

Well We do feel things for a reason ....but come on!! attraction to some one you are better off not attracted to ........Don't u think that I should have a Say in it!!!!!! Some part of it??????

Goodness !!!! Goodness !!I was the one laughing at such people!!!!! and then reality takes a U turn and hits me head on and leaves me there ....to realise that I'm human ....To realise that I cant run for ever !!!!!

..To realise that Ive gotta deal with it and Learn! ....well learning is the only thing that makes it going through this teenage turmoil worthwhile....... N heck why did it choose to happen so late !!!!...Isn't it supposed to be a mile stone or something ??????????I'm almost twenty for crying out loud !!!Shouldn't I be able to deal with this ????? Does this recurring turmoil ever end ???

And the answer is there just hanging there like a sword above my head ..........

They never go ..these feelings ......They are always there !!! We just learn to deal with them .....

Maybe some time in later life when we are much older and have been there and done that we will look back and realise what a Lesson....one feeling whether LOve, anger, jealousy or sadness brought us...

Or it can so happen that sometime later in life when we are much older and have been there and done that ...that one of these feelings will return with greater intensity !!!laughing and mocking you in the face reminding you of a time long forgotten or locked away ...and telling you ......Living life includes feeling it ....

We were reminiscing on the behavior of one of my friends who was suffering from a bad break up ....she used to listen..........to sad songs that would really put you into more depression .........I didn't like that fact ...cause instead of coming out of depression listening to such music makes u go deeper into it .......we were talking about this recently........

And she told me that she doesn't regret it ....she said she had to go completely into this feeling of rejection to come out of it ....I nodded ....I couldn't help but say ...True ..

I look at her now ....wiser ..more mature .....dealing with her feelings ....and wonder ..would she be that way had she not gone through such a heart break????

The answer is a plain and simple NO ........we learn through experience..if not the heart break ..It would have taken something of the same magnitude to inspire Growth and learning ....the child will learn how to handle fire once he realises that fire has the potential to burn ..... .....

So well I guess Its a privilege To feel like shit then ....cause u Grow ....and you learn.

And well ...we need something to rock our boats and get our pulse racing from time to time ...otherwise whats the fun ????

A little turbulence can make a other wise boring plane journey slightly more eventful...a lot of it will shake you up!! ..however it will leave you with new found appreciation for a smooth ride ...till u get bored again and wish for turbulence .......

I don't know what I was complaining about ...going through this seems like the most natural thing to happen now..........whats the fun other wise without battling feelings of attraction, Jealousy, sadness, rejection.......whats the fun without a little turbulence ??????

Well as my brother once very very wisely said - "Life is a bed of roses ..the thorns are just complimentary" ....

I say! Aye !

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