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Tuesday, August 25, 2009

A funeral ...n then some .......

I went for my neighbour's funeral today ...The family Lost an Elderly member to Cancer...the family is an East Indian one and is well respected the Son and daughter in law of "Mama"( as she was commonly known by everyone ) are very very nice people especially the daughter in law ....I was real impressed by them they had such genuine concern and love for their Mama!Its was touching ..... I normally tend to avoid funerals.......emotions unknown well up inside me ..emotions have have got nothing to do with the deceased .......but the decease's family......... Looking at their contorted faces I can understand how they must feel .....having lost someone so dear to them .....I know how I would feel ..u know...N thinking about this makes me sad ..... Yeah funerals are sad you say ..... Sad for us right but not really sad for the deceased .....they have no worries once they are gone ...for all we know ..they may never want to come back into human life from the Source.. We cry for our selves at funerals ....cry cause we will be missing the person....... cry maybe cause we remember our own pain............... cry cause others r crying and we don't know what to do!!!(hey that happens too u know)......... But we cry for ourselves ...the person dead doesn't need our tears ...they must be busy rejoicing ..as the final barrier and the final fear i.e Death is met and they have triumphed !!!!!!!!! Death is not that bad for the dead u know ...its the living who suffer ..that's why we cry for our selves ........ Saying this wont stop me from crying for the deaths of my loved ones u know ..........I know how I would feel.....well I would be crying for my self ......yeah cause loosing some one does suck ...big time!!!! But then Change is good too ......... I remember when I lost Tito ..the sister of Cash, my present dog ....she got distemper ..there was not much I could do for her ....as she was not really a pet house dog ....I wasn't able to ask my dad to take her to our vet ...I didn't think he would..........well she got worse and finally when the van for the help of stray dogs arrived...She "Disappeared" or so my family tells me (I was out )...I wonder if it was the truth .........It was hard to digest though ..very hard ..I dont think I cried immediately ..I knew that my mom would get disturbed.....but when I was alone the memories would Just over whelm me ..............she was a funny dog and used to never fail to make me laugh... NEvEr !!! I loved her very much!! Whenever I used to think Of her I used to smile to my self and along with that ...the tears would flow as I would allow myself to grieve my loss ....I felt it deeply .........I dont know how many of you'll would understand this .....some may say that she was Just a dog ...bitch...... But I remembered her though, today, at the funeral.....her memory though faded slightly .....Im surprised to say still made me feel pleasant ....n more than that brought tears to my eyes ........shes gone a long time now and I am surprised at the tears flowing now ........to me logically, I'm over It ...but as I have discovered ...for the 100th time ..........feelings are feelings and they defy logic ! Im glad that she makes me cry I know I can feel........ Im human... I learnt something from Tito ..... I would want people to remember me the way I remember her ................ With a Smile on my face And a tear in my eye .......and the thoughts....... "Im so Glad that I knew her, So glad, that even if it was for a little while, She lived..................................................... ..She made me happy" .

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