Just Behind The Veil.

                      Today I attended the funeral of the father of a confirmation student.
He was a very well known man,  talented, composed many songs for various east Indian competitions and  lead the Marathi choir .... His passing away was sudden, this death was a shock even to me who didn't know him that well.

            It is difficult when people leave like this.

On my way to church I was thinking about the uncertainty of  our lives, there were quite a few unexpected deaths the previous year too. Its funny how we fool our selves into thinking that we don't face death every single day.
                    I spoke with my Dad about this a little later, his take on this amazes me. I am normally disturbed when such things happen coz I fear for my parents, I love them a lot. My Dad casually says, "We come we go we have to be prepared for it no one is here permanently". I know my father believes this because of the way he acts it out, he Isn't afraid to take our dogs on the road without a leash, I fear for them, he says what will happen will happen, and he is right. We cannot stop it or fight it. Yesterday I was disturbed when I heard this news, I prayed that God take care of my parents and keep them in good health, I also asked for strength to face such uncertainty. I realised I am no one to interfere with the will of God.
                     John Kinny was Loved, we know this. The amount of people grieving at his death stood as a testimony to his life. It is difficult to cope with the shock of suddenly losing a loved one, yet we need to realise, There is Hope.
                    This brings to mind a snippet from 'Harry Potter and the order of the Phoenix' where Luna Lovegood talks about her deceased mother.

'Yes, It was rather Horrible said Luna conversationally.'I still feel very sad about it sometimes.But Ive still got Dad.And anyway, it's not as though I'll never see my mum again is it?'

'Er-isn't it' said Harry uncertainly.

She shook her head in disbelief.
Oh,come on. You heard them, just behind the veil, didn't you?

                             
                              You mean..

'In that room in the arch way they were just lurking out of sight, that's all. You heard them.'

They looked at each other. Luna was smiling slightly. Harry did not know what to say, or to think: Luna believed in such extraordinary things....yet he had been sure he had heard voices behind the veil, too.
....
She walked away from him and, as he watched her go, he found that the terrible weight in his stomach seemed to have lessened slightly.

                  
"In a little while you will see me no more, and then after a little while you will see me."
                                                                                                               - Jn 16:16
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       

Lookie Here !!!

I visited Nashik recently Look what I found there ;)

For those who don't know this is My Brother -Brother Dustin, he is a

Salesian and will be doing his first profession on the 24th of this month ... he was just trying on the cassock here. (Update 9/5/11: Had to take the pic of the Cassock Off coz my mum felt it wasn't right as he had not professed already, she compared it to releasing the picture of someones wedding Gown before the wedding,( this particular analogy didn't really work for me coz I have different views about weddings and wedding gowns.. )  However  I guess I should have been more sensitive about it. :)

I’m Not too sure whether he would be thrilled I have put this picture up ( Update9/5/11: Cassock or No Cassock, he wont be thrilled if I put up any picture of his on my Blog he feels awkward U c )(It takes 4hrs to reach Bombay from there any way).........................

This a real Big thing for him and for us too, I can’t believe that this is happening already, Dustu still feels unworthy because (m so glad for this) he realizes the responsibility he is taking up and has a desire to be true to it and wonders if he is capable of living up to it. I really don’t understand if we can ever be worthy, we need Gods Grace for that.

Really..... God sees and Knows what we couldn’t have seen and known in a thousand years :).

487

               ...That's the number of Friends on my Facebook Account.
 Amazing as it may seem to me ...barring maybe 5 to 6 of them I have met almost all the rest personally atleast once in my life.

              "It's the ones you can call up at 4:00 a.m. that really matter."-- Marlene Dietrich 

              While coming home from mass one of my Friends N , Fr Henry and I shared a Rickshaw.........N was talking about how he doesn't believe in the whole Friends- are- your- world and You- must- Sacrifice- everything- for- your friends quotes that he reads around. So Fr Henry Pestered him to tell him why .. N reveled that he had a really bad experience with a group of people he used to call his friends ........This has left him bitter and he takes long to trust people now. I know quite a few people like that.

 "Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends whom we choose." -- Tehyi Hsieh

I don't know whether I was wise or whether I am plain Lucky ...
But Karen, Bee, Sabi, Cheryl, Priya, Esperta,Virgin I'm privileged to have found friends in amazing people like you'll.

I sit Quietly By
As tears Drop you don't ask me why.
You sit patiently by my side,
Telling me to take Everything in my stride.

From You I have no places no Faces to hide.

You remind me of who I am,
Of what Ive done and Still Can.

Crazy isn't Crazy enough for you,
I'm surprised you're not gone Crazy too!

You're a Purposeful Part of My God's Mighty plan I can See.
Handcrafted, Trademarked and Specially sent for Me!

Blessed is the day we met..
The day A bond was forged
So strong
It hasn't gone weak yet!

A Bond that's a privileged to only a Few ....
And So your not only my Friend but my Family too!
--Zena

I sent this to my closest Friends last year ! One of them sent it back just as I was thinking about it!
This is for you guys!

Whether its to give me advice, correct my spelling mistakes, bring me back down to reality, tell me I have bad breath, listen to me rant about 'The One', Bake a Cake, rave about Harry Potter! watch a Movie or just to talk or hold the line while I regain my composure and say "I wasn't crying" ............ You guys have been there !

And I feel Blessed knowing you'll!


                           Happy Fraaandships Day! ;)

Defying Gravity!

I love watching Glee !!!
Its still in its First season In India .....
Its a delightful programe and I like the songs they use, most of which I hear for the first time and take an immediate liking to.
This particular one has been playing over and over in my head.
Its one of the Tracks from the Broadway Musical  "Wicked"
The Broadway is adapted form the novel by Gregory Maguire entitled
"Wicked: The life and times of the wicked witch of the west"
The name of the song is 'Defying Gravity' it speaks about believeing in your self, taking a leap of faith and taking action!

                                                        Defying Gravity

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes... and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I am defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!


I'm through accepting limits
'cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!

I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

                     This is the Glee Cast version of the song sung by Lea Michele and Chris Colfer who play Rachel Berry and Kurt Hummel respectively on the show.
Its a Lovely and Inspiring number hope you like it!

What 50% did to me !

50 Percent!
50 Percent!!!!
Wow !!!
I never expected this.
I know I should have expected it considering all the effort I put in my studies, but I never had to study much to land good marks it was always easy for me....
But 50 percent!
Now If I was Living alone with no living witness to my existence I would be able to digest this, I would have ignored it .....Said to myself it doesn't Matter ............
How ever those outside echo what I feel within ....
"I could have done better !"

                 I guess not doing too well in my academics made me realise(what my close ones were telling me all along was true) that I actually have the capacity and am not using it, or maybe it has made me ashamed and made me strive for more.
                 Whatever it is that 50 percent along with "second class" has Woken me up!
                 Its funny And I don't know how it Happened but now I KNOW that I can do better ..
Its like Been kicked off from bed when your having a dream of flying!
I have Landed head first on the ground ..
 and my head on the ground is what I need.,

I never considered Life After College, never thought seriously about it, but now I'm less on Face book more on Google.. looking up Colleges Job Profiles loading myself with information ........I have never been this concerned and this participative I'm  my life ...I am normally the Passive types I'd rather wait for things to fall in my lap....
Actually that's what I was doing the entire holidays .....
Looking to the heavens and waiting for some divine intervention ...some Giant hand to point the way ........

Nothing Happened ..

I guess the 50 percent along with a combination of events has jogged me back to the reality that my life will be what I want it to be and I cant take everything for granted.

The 50 percent has jogged me out of my complacence.
In a Funny way it has instilled me confidence ..
I know everything will be okay ..
I have been brought down to reality and m being level headed and feel the responsibility of my decisions.
I have also learnt some Humility .....my parents were right after all ....I have to admit that ........

Well the 50 percent is a life changing experience brought on by my own carelesness and I needed it ......
And ........
Im Glad it happened....

Reality Check :)

“Perhaps it is not accurate, realistic thinking that keeps people from being depressed but, rather, hope and optimism."- Susan Nolen-Hoeksema.




                           I got this from the chapter on Mood disorders in my Abnormal Psychology Text book....Interestingly this comment was preceded by arguments that people prone to Depression and Depressed people view the world negatively and have a hopeless cognitive style ......

                           The argument takes a turn with this line "Is it possible that depressed people are not distorted in their negative views of the world but are actually seeing the world for the terrible place it is ?" It then goes on to talk about a phenomenon called Depressive Realism that is, it was found that when asked to make judgments about how much control they have over situations that are actually uncontrollable, depressed people were found to be quite accurate. Non depressed people on the other hand were found to have "robust illusions" that they can control all sorts of situations that were actually out of their control and that they have superior skills compared to other people. In the end this statement was made "Research on illusion of control calls into question the notion that depression results from unrealistic beliefs that one cannot control one's environment or form negative errors in thinking about ones self and the world."

                           In other words once they compared the illusions of control between depressed and non depressed people they found out that the people actually having unrealistic beliefs were those who thought that they CAN control their environment and those who have a positive view about themselves and the world, and hence the above statement made by Susan Nolen.

                           I want to share this as I found it quite ironic...... I always consider being accurate and realistic as "good" traits and our elders keep telling us to, "stop floating in the clouds and come back to reality".

                           In this context I think I was a victim to accurate and realistic thinking......after giving it due consideration and experimenting with it I find now ................. It gets me nowhere.

                           And the next time you think about telling someone to get a "Reality Check" ... Think twice will U ... I know I will .:)

A curious Virus.

Woke up with a weird feeling today, alas I was Infected! ……


 I looked at my notes of economics that I possessed and my reaction confirmed my belief,I didnt understand anything ……Gibberish!

I, as I told a good friend earlier that nite was Under-Under Prepared…Oh well.. I thought Ill at least give the exam, beats not giving one..

Somehow this year, I’m not scared of doing like Crap!......Well… the fact that this time the marks don’t matter and will have no consequence whatsoever does help to ease my worries..;).

Turns out that none of the people I know were prepared……..at all.

And these were not just people saying that they were not prepared because they wanted to blend in with the crowd, by the looks of it there is a I-don’t-care-enough-to-study-for-the exams flu going around campus, or is it just a few friends I know ??*anxious*I hope the virus does its Job.

                While in the train, I was not making a great effort to study, I didn’t see the point ..how much more could I cram up?? ..and I had to understand what I was reading, I don’t understand sometimes what’s with economics..whats with the big words? By the time I reach the middle of the page my mind stops registering what I read and I’m just reading, kinda like what happens during the lectures!   So I was jabbering away in the train to keep myself entertained, no I really didn’t care that my friends were trying to study, since we were bitten by the same bug I knew they were just trying to appear normal for the fear of God -alone- Knows what!! ….Karen even said a few times that she didn’t feel like studying ! But yet the poor thing was making an effort to cram..

                 As a part of my train entertainment programe I started with me "Whys" (my favorite companions) Why do we have to study?  What consequence is our education going to have ?  Will I need to know Lewis’s Theory of unlimited labour supply to survive? Will Solow and Lebinstein help me with the laundry?
We all know we are doing this for the stupid certificate that calls us Graduates…but what’s the point of graduating if well at the end of it we don’t know what we are graduating for!

I made a wrong choice I tell U and I am realizing it now ……But if I didn’t make this choice I would never know its wrong…

 I didn’t think it out properly, and I have to live with it!

                     When we reached Grant Road Station, we decided that we would get done in half an hour and meet in the canteen later, I met my friend Cheryl on my way to class, she appeared so calm and confident, I asked her if she was prepared she told me she wasn’t, some how I couldn’t buy that, It intimidated me further, I told her I was under-under prepared and she said its okay everyone is ….She didn’t seem so, I wished her Luck and headed for class. I was glad I didn’t come across any class mates, they ask me whether I have done this and that and name chapters I never knew existed! This does nothing for my nerves, it also hampers with my ability to make upon stuff on the spot and this is a ability I had to rely on today so I had to maintain it!

                 I wrote Slowly and deliberately in class, I was thinking about how to make my self sound convincing, and I just attempted three out of the eight questions there, so well, I thought Id do my best*sniggers*. I hoped to be the first out of class but two fellow infected economic double majors got there before me, Oh well I thought, third place for me then, just had to complete a sentence but when I raised my head I saw another ailing Double major leave !

Not even Third !!! WHY GOD WHY!!*sniff sniff*

                   I “completed” my paper and handed it over with a big smile on my face.. I don’t know why. I guess the first times are always special . I knew that other fellow infecteds would soon follow. Everyone waits for someone to hand over the paper first, some one..a leader.. to take the initiative and non verbally express the simple truth , “I didn’t study and I don’t Give a damn”, the rest follow immediately. I don’t know why I was smiling, I gave a dismal performance but yet there was a spring in my step. It’s the virus I guess, I like being infected though.

                On my way out I met Cheryl I asked her how she did, she said she wrote one… actually half an answer, she was glowing, Cheryl’s joy is very infectious!! It looks like I was the one bluffing when I was boasting about how under-under prepared I was! We had a good Laugh and I was on my way home. Abnormal Psychology next……I'm still infected though.

                Oh and I didn’t mention this, on our way to college I was testing out Karen’s Foofa Fortune game, Its something like a virtual Magic eight ball …

This was my Question,

“Are these studies important, will they matter in Life?”

                      Foofa answers: NO WAY!

                         All hail the Foofa!!!!!!!!!!!!

My worst paper ever and Im all smiles.........Some..Including my former self, may say I have lost it.....

But the Mona Lisa Smile I see in the mirror reminds me.......I know something that U don't...*Wink*