Cinderella

Watched it with my Niece.Really like the way they have made her character her movements her voice the way she speaks ..........Its a WoW for me ...I also realised one thing ..Cinderella wouldnt have been Cinderella if she didnt go through what she went through.....her pureness her innocence captured me .She was a dreamer .......Who believed ........had faith ..inspite of what she went through .... HAVE FAITH IN YOUR DREAMS, KEEP BELIEVING , CAUSE NO MATTER HOW HARD YOUR HEART IS GRIEVING... THE DREAMS THAT YOU WISH WILL COME TRUE. Cinderella's Song .....or something like it ......To An Awesome cartoon ....Who reminds us ......to keep the faith ....cause ... "There can be miracles when you believe." Cya !

FEELINGS .......

I don't Like them !!!! At all !!!!they are the most irrational part of me and dominate my life ....I can see Reason but I still cant help how I feel!!!!! Why oh Why DO we Feel ????? Especially the feeling of Love !!! more specifically Teenage Love !!!!!!!I never thought Id say this ...But for the want Of a better name !!!!!!! Its the most annoying thing ever ...I know I have to face it but life would e better without a part of U feeling that u don't want to feel this way towards some person ...... But U still do!!!!!! Well I cant blame feelings ..they tell us who we are and are the primitive part of our selves !!!! But what do u do when u feel something u don't want to feel ...?? Well you suck it up and realise .....feelings are irrational and primitive and Most of the time u are defined not by what u feel ...(cause obviously people don't see what you feel unless you tell them or let it show ) But by how you react to the feeling ............. Well for me when I feel I do have a tendency to feel deeply ...very deeply ....I don't know why it has to be that way but like it or not it is and its pissing off!!!!!!!!! Sometimes I wish I could wrap these feelings and throw them in some river and let them float away ........but unfortunately that's not a luxury any of us can afford ...cause even if we suppress what we feel it tends to manifest it self in unconcious ....n also physically!! ....some one told me that u get ulcers if u don't "let it out"!!!! LET IT OUT !!!!! and face the consequences! ....which may result in .........

1. Good feelings or.....
2. Further shit that you have to deal with !!!!!!

Well We do feel things for a reason ....but come on!! attraction to some one you are better off not attracted to ........Don't u think that I should have a Say in it!!!!!! Some part of it??????

Goodness !!!! Goodness !!I was the one laughing at such people!!!!! and then reality takes a U turn and hits me head on and leaves me there ....to realise that I'm human ....To realise that I cant run for ever !!!!!

..To realise that Ive gotta deal with it and Learn! ....well learning is the only thing that makes it going through this teenage turmoil worthwhile....... N heck why did it choose to happen so late !!!!...Isn't it supposed to be a mile stone or something ??????????I'm almost twenty for crying out loud !!!Shouldn't I be able to deal with this ????? Does this recurring turmoil ever end ???

And the answer is there just hanging there like a sword above my head ..........

They never go ..these feelings ......They are always there !!! We just learn to deal with them .....

Maybe some time in later life when we are much older and have been there and done that we will look back and realise what a Lesson....one feeling whether LOve, anger, jealousy or sadness brought us...

Or it can so happen that sometime later in life when we are much older and have been there and done that ...that one of these feelings will return with greater intensity !!!laughing and mocking you in the face reminding you of a time long forgotten or locked away ...and telling you ......Living life includes feeling it ....

We were reminiscing on the behavior of one of my friends who was suffering from a bad break up ....she used to listen..........to sad songs that would really put you into more depression .........I didn't like that fact ...cause instead of coming out of depression listening to such music makes u go deeper into it .......we were talking about this recently........

And she told me that she doesn't regret it ....she said she had to go completely into this feeling of rejection to come out of it ....I nodded ....I couldn't help but say ...True ..

I look at her now ....wiser ..more mature .....dealing with her feelings ....and wonder ..would she be that way had she not gone through such a heart break????

The answer is a plain and simple NO ........we learn through experience..if not the heart break ..It would have taken something of the same magnitude to inspire Growth and learning ....the child will learn how to handle fire once he realises that fire has the potential to burn ..... .....

So well I guess Its a privilege To feel like shit then ....cause u Grow ....and you learn.

And well ...we need something to rock our boats and get our pulse racing from time to time ...otherwise whats the fun ????

A little turbulence can make a other wise boring plane journey slightly more eventful...a lot of it will shake you up!! ..however it will leave you with new found appreciation for a smooth ride ...till u get bored again and wish for turbulence .......

I don't know what I was complaining about ...going through this seems like the most natural thing to happen now..........whats the fun other wise without battling feelings of attraction, Jealousy, sadness, rejection.......whats the fun without a little turbulence ??????

Well as my brother once very very wisely said - "Life is a bed of roses ..the thorns are just complimentary" ....

I say! Aye !

Mrs Clumsy's best !!!

I did the stupidest thing today!! .....Goodness!!! I feel like slapping my self across my face so hard!!!!!!!!!!

I missed the first lecture again ......However I was perfectly awake for both the economics lectures!! yeah WOW!!!!!!

Today after my long stint away from college ...responsibility approached me in the form of sister Rosa Asking about the mass preparations well Ill handle that in a Jiffy no problem ...what I cant handle is the Choir ....I know every thing will go Smoothly in the end ..but whose going to say that to dear panicky sister ...

We Scheduled practice at 3:00pm today, however Allanha, the girl in charge of the choir Wasn't able to make it ..I told her it was okay we could schedule the practice tomorrow......when I went to eat in the canteen I met two first years who were waiting for the practice ...These guys r science students n it broke my heart when I heard that they were waiting since 12.20..It was around 2.00 the prac was to start at 3 since most of the girls were from Arts ....... these two girls from science even cancelled their tuition's to come for the practice!!! Damn I felt super Bad !!!

Then I forgot to tell my friend Sharon who comes all the way from Mira Road that the practice is cancelled ...She stayed in college for two hours .....then messaged me accusing me of lying to her :(

Then tomorrow is our long over due Economics internal assesment for which I went to photocopy some stuff in the 15 minutes break that I had ....I missed the first part of one of the answers...So Later in psychology class, as I had to leave the class early for a meeting with the principal ....don't worry I'm Not in trouble..Just stuff for K-scope our college festival...(all of us in our team that takes care of security were wondering why we were called..) ..yeah As I had to leave early I asked one of my friends to do it for me and leave it with the Xerox guy ...

I had some work with Sister Rosa N so I hurried with that and I forgot to collect the papers .....

This is the best part right here I'm so amazed any one can be so stupid !!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had the earlier copies that I had taken ...when I ask my friend to copy the remaining part that I missed .... for Some reason I Imagined me giving her the copies that I had, to attach it to the new one ....once I reached the station I remembered that I forgot to get the (new)copies....What I didn't remember is that I IMAGINED giving her the rest of the copies and so I gave up hope of ever giving the test ....when I came home n whiled away some of my time did I realise that I have the earlier copies n I can study a substantial amount !!!!!!!

N now here I am writing about It instead of studying ....I guess I had my Clumsy attack today !!!!!

Please if u see someone as clumsy ...tell him or her to contact me ....

Misery Loves company U c......

A funeral ...n then some .......

I went for my neighbour's funeral today ...The family Lost an Elderly member to Cancer...the family is an East Indian one and is well respected the Son and daughter in law of "Mama"( as she was commonly known by everyone ) are very very nice people especially the daughter in law ....I was real impressed by them they had such genuine concern and love for their Mama!Its was touching ..... I normally tend to avoid funerals.......emotions unknown well up inside me ..emotions have have got nothing to do with the deceased .......but the decease's family......... Looking at their contorted faces I can understand how they must feel .....having lost someone so dear to them .....I know how I would feel ..u know...N thinking about this makes me sad ..... Yeah funerals are sad you say ..... Sad for us right but not really sad for the deceased .....they have no worries once they are gone ...for all we know ..they may never want to come back into human life from the Source.. We cry for our selves at funerals ....cry cause we will be missing the person....... cry maybe cause we remember our own pain............... cry cause others r crying and we don't know what to do!!!(hey that happens too u know)......... But we cry for ourselves ...the person dead doesn't need our tears ...they must be busy rejoicing ..as the final barrier and the final fear i.e Death is met and they have triumphed !!!!!!!!! Death is not that bad for the dead u know ...its the living who suffer ..that's why we cry for our selves ........ Saying this wont stop me from crying for the deaths of my loved ones u know ..........I know how I would feel.....well I would be crying for my self ......yeah cause loosing some one does suck ...big time!!!! But then Change is good too ......... I remember when I lost Tito ..the sister of Cash, my present dog ....she got distemper ..there was not much I could do for her ....as she was not really a pet house dog ....I wasn't able to ask my dad to take her to our vet ...I didn't think he would..........well she got worse and finally when the van for the help of stray dogs arrived...She "Disappeared" or so my family tells me (I was out )...I wonder if it was the truth .........It was hard to digest though ..very hard ..I dont think I cried immediately ..I knew that my mom would get disturbed.....but when I was alone the memories would Just over whelm me ..............she was a funny dog and used to never fail to make me laugh... NEvEr !!! I loved her very much!! Whenever I used to think Of her I used to smile to my self and along with that ...the tears would flow as I would allow myself to grieve my loss ....I felt it deeply .........I dont know how many of you'll would understand this .....some may say that she was Just a dog ...bitch...... But I remembered her though, today, at the funeral.....her memory though faded slightly .....Im surprised to say still made me feel pleasant ....n more than that brought tears to my eyes ........shes gone a long time now and I am surprised at the tears flowing now ........to me logically, I'm over It ...but as I have discovered ...for the 100th time ..........feelings are feelings and they defy logic ! Im glad that she makes me cry I know I can feel........ Im human... I learnt something from Tito ..... I would want people to remember me the way I remember her ................ With a Smile on my face And a tear in my eye .......and the thoughts....... "Im so Glad that I knew her, So glad, that even if it was for a little while, She lived..................................................... ..She made me happy" .

The rains, My Job and then some !!

WOW Today was slightly eventful........For me it was.... Got up to Vakil's call today asking me whether I was going to college ...since I haven't graced that place enough with my presence thought Id do some gracing to day ..something to add to the list of my good deeds. So with much effort I pulled my droopy frame uo from bed n went to the wash basin to brush my teeth ..N wit the brush in my mouth...I customarily went to warm the milk on the stove ....however today the hall smelt funny ....I was dark n couldn't see ...N knowing what this funny smell indicates I thought Id take sone precautions .......and right I was ...ay annoying pet dog Cash decided to do his weekly quota of house pooping today the annoying mongrel !!!!I don't care if I hurt his feelings ....how would u feel if u had to clean poop n piss right early in the morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!YUCCK!!!I dnt know what the hell do we take him out for at night !!!!!! U would have thought that since he learnt the art of chasing ppl from pity (my bitch), he would also make it a point to learn her good house habits ...But NO!!!!! he doesn't !!! Goodness if only he was human ...he must not even know what he must be putting us through with such behavior ..he must smell nice to him self so maybe he thinks he is doing us some sort of favor!!!Ne ways he is a good dog ...only does stupid things at times !!!He is very weird I just cant think of him as non Human u know ..he has facial expressions n he reacts to what we say ...I like having him around he is extremely loving !!!

Now back to my day....after some poop cleaning ..I started to get dressed for college I called up Karen to check if she had left ..she didn't leave cause of the rains ..It poured like cats n dogs today!!

We did leave for college today but once we reached Grant Road Station we saw some of our college girls on the opposite platform telling Us to go back since the roads were water logged !!!!!!

I was in no mood of going back home !!!

Hey after all I did take the trouble to get up to do something, that If given a chance I would pass doing !!!

Might as well do the thing That I don't like (for the Fear of black list and our Dean , who by the way can be very annoying and even passively aggressive at times ..but that's her Job pooor thing ........I can now sympathise with her as I once had a dream that I was in the same position ... even in my dream the Job sucked ....if she likes it ....welllllll....good for her ....I would hate such a job that involves hard enforcement of authority for not very reasonable reasons ....nooo not a job for me .....)

While going to college today I was having a conversation with Karen, I recently was checking some sites concerning event management ....I am nineteen with no Job experience , Laziness as a trait and right now undergoing various mood swings cause of reasons that I have realised that I have no control over !!!! Next year my parents will be expecting me to work !!!!! N I Miss Zena Yarde .....to be double major in economics and psychology .....jumper from science to arts ...big talker about my philosophies of life .....dont know what I want to do!!!!!!!!!Aaaarrrrrgggghhhhh

I have come out with a list of options ...Some contradict the others but they are a start ....

1. Listen to Sister Manisha and explore my vocation ....in other words become a nun (I defiantly am considering this.
2. Charm a great guy ...making sure that he is rich too(this is desirable too)!
3. Live with parents obey house rules and work part time in some call centre :((
4. Pray that I get a lottery!!!
5. Go on "Sach ka Samna" (The Indian version of "the moment of truth" )..embarrass my self but earn money.
6. Beg .
7. Or let go of all wordily possessions Shave my head off donate hair to a needy friend;) [Aaron if Ur reading this I'm writing u up in my will k (A big HA HA)] and travel the world with no money ..and trying to manage .
8. ACT.....this is one thing that makes me feel alive very alive !!!!!!I love Acting!!!
9. DRAWING PAINTING AND POTTERY!!!!this is something I wouldn't mid too!!!
10. Event management !!!!! Frankly very skeptical ..cause I dont know much bout It ...I really dont want to end up doing something That I dont want to again ...yeah sometimes we gotta, but who ever said that!!!! Aren't u supposed to be joyous with what u do ???like arent you supposed to actually LIKE ur Job !!!!!!!

Out of my list of options ...options 1,4,5,7,8&9 are the most tempting!!!!I'm still contemplating event management ..but it doesn't feel that right ....Maybe cause I dont really know much about it u know......

I am actually looking for a safe option ..I dont want to regret this ...I dont even know if that is really possible now !!

When I told Karen that acting made me feel most alive ..she said the most simplest but most profound thing .......

She asked me "So if U know what makes you happy whats stopping you from doing it ??"..........................

................I tried to give excuses ..right from disapproving parents .......to "u dont earn that well at first" ......to hard ships, to "Im not even sure Id get where Id want to be !!!".....But these are what they are... EXCUSES ...............Nothing but my self is stopping me from doing what I want to do ....My fears, my anxiety and my negitivity are to blame .....and I realise that now ......

I dont want to be a wanderer ...Money isn't that important for me ...being happy and being successful is ...

10yrs from now I want to be living in my own home (a five bedroom hall kitchen) ...I want to be able to buy a new home for my MOm n Dad .......drive around in a hybrid car that doesnt pollute the environment !!!! be able to fund animal shelters ........

Yeah U need Money baby !!!!!!! bllurrh!!!

I dont know why I cant see my self working? ...maybe Im imagining It all wrong, I guess I have to" work " to actually understand what its all about !!!!!( WOAH This such a DUH!! thing!!! so dum dum dum obviously Ill know what working life will be once I start working!!!!!DUH !!!DUH!!! DUH !!!!!!!!!!!!)

See!! this is me worrying too much !!!!!! I guess right now there is nothing much to worry about accept college ! N the Dean, n Passing in my subjects .......I promised my aunt That I'd do well.....I will try and keep up to the promise.....

U Know ..I started the blog to tell u how after so many days ..I finally made it to Grant Road station n I had to take a U turn and come back home cause it rained heavily today!!!!!Somebody up there must really not want me to go to college ....N look where I reached!!

.....Oh welll ..Im not complaining ..

I will be going to college tomorrow and Like a good student Im going to conform..I will again try and stay awake for economics ..I will do the work sister Rosa gives me and I will study .....blah!!!!!!!!! Yeah I will study:(.....

Why oh why is the world so cruel!!!!!!

Well As I deal with my issues here ......I will be leaving you with a thought

Once when I was contemplating my shift from science to arts ...Sister Manisha was telling me that I would know the right decision if it gave me peace deep within .......it did ..I think ....so does the thought of acting ...its not a chore for me ........

She used this phrase ...Ill Put it in my own words

IF U ARE IN LINE WITH WHAT GOD WANTS YOU TO DO ......ITS LIKE A CUP AND SAUCER ...U WONT HAVE TO STRUGGLE ....THE CUP WILL FIT INTO THE RING OF THE SAUCER N U WOULD NOT HAVE TO USE ANY FORCE .....IT WILL JUST FIT ....

I was thinking about this as I was travelling back home ...wondering what is going to just fit ..........

Mrs Universe ?????

I am very proud to inform to whom so ever concerned .. That I did Attend college today!!!YAY!!!! We had Just two Economic lectures (a very good reason for me not to go)today ...I dozed in only one ..n even that was towards the end, when the teacher started using a language that didn't sound like English to me. My class Mates get to me though haven't they ever dozed for anything in their lives ????some of them look at me like I was from some other planet (Cant blame them though ..what I write in my semi sleep mode makes me think the same !!!!!!). My alarm tone was set to the song from Harry n the Potters called follow the spiders ..it has a Catchy tune but neone who has read Harry Potter would roll with laughter at the song its God damn hilarious !!!!!!!!!!!instead of waking up I was singing along to the song in my head not realising that its my alarm tune ...I was just thankful for hearing this melody in the morning .....thankfully I had a late lecture today or else I wouldn't have started on such a happy note .. Now I was going to write bout ..the Miss Universe Pageant that was being advertised on TV, I was going to tell you'll how I found it all Shallow and meaning less, and how we, instead of moving ahead n looking beyond Beauty ..(u think if "mediocre" was thought "beautiful" what would have happened ???we would have loads of happy people here ...)we are regressing by allowing "them" to make a big thing bout women parading them selves around in their bikinis allowing them selves to be graded for it .....But then I thought.... Hey thats their business!! Not mine at all ....its no big deal, this thing happens only once a year .. yeah we mindlessly watch it ...a take it in n make our own judgements bout who looks best ...at the same time despising others who would judge us the same way....its true dont deny it !!! So beauty pageants I have nothing against you any more ...i realise that u have ur own right .......although I would prefers some change or someone coming up with something different ..... True beauty can never be flaunted ....she lies there un assuming, unaware of who she is what she means, what she has done and what she can do ... I can name some of these beauties in my life ...My grand mom for example .....she is my role model ! hell I dont even think I deserve her as a grand mom sometimes u know. She is one of the most amazing women I have ever met and im proud to be related to her !!! Her life was never a bed of roses ...She is the second of the five siblings..N being born as a girl in that time In India really was a sentence ...she was made to take care of her siblings, she sent them to school, looked after them , she was their pseudo mom ..her dad worked on the ship n well was not sober most of the time..they went through a lot when they were kids ....She was the one who took the initiative of coming to Bombay to earn a better living ..She was the one who made it a point to send my mom n her siblings to school....She was the one taking care of her mom- my great grand mom- in her old age, when she had every reason to be bitter n not to ...she is also the one who has been to Dubai, Canada n the US more than couple of times ..she is the one who despite her arthritis makes it a point to take us around in Goa ...does her own shopping..be it bombay or Goa ..N doesn't complain ... I just cant... just cant express what my Grand mom means to me ..nothing I have written does justice to this woman ......her sacrifices, her struggles, her ability to pull through.. n make it look like the easiest thing in the world to do ...her amazing ability to forgive ppl who have caused her soooo much.. soo much of pain ...heck I still cant find It in my heart to forgive them sometimes.. I'm sad u know, all u guys reading this, Wish ul could know her as I do..this is one woman u have to experience ....I cant tell you how she is ....She is truly an example of the Phrase "When Life gives you a lemon ...take it and make a lemonade"! I don't know how she got to be such a personality u know ..she is more in tune with the times, more open minded than some of her own kids ...She is damn cool the way she accepts the "new age" and doesn't fight it ...she changes with changing times .....she is somebody I'd like to be ..yeah she is my role model ! I still haven't done her justice what ever I have written is so mediocre compared to the awesomeness of her personality .....I am but human ...Sometimes I wonder if my grand mom is ...I don't think she is ........ she is super human ..yeah ... Well (drum roll please )the Miss Universe crown goes to none other than Janet D'cruz !!!!!!!!! Take a bow NANA U deserve it !

An Eventful Day for Mr Pussy!!!!

When I opened y eyes this morning Judging by the day light I realised ...that it was far from 5:00am ...checked my alarm N right I was ...it was 8:15 ...college begins at 8:00am ...I was late today ..too ....so well I made the most of It.. I slept in ...got extremely weird dreams that I don't remember ..I do remember that they were completely random ...I have to check what I think about before I sleep...... Iwas then woken up again to the strains of "Do u have to be woken up everyday now!!!!" the rough Vocals were provided by none other than my dad. As I groggily woke up from my slumber ..he informed the cat was back n the wound on his "hand" (front right paw actually ...but we sometimes forget that they aren't human) was a little better ...in the sense that it was no longer swollen ..but his paw looked like ....m sure a slightly more horrific version of Dumbledore's cursed hand ...from Harry Potter n The Half Blood Prince . Well his paw was swollen lately with exposed flesh ...caused by none other than my personal age old enemies "the maggots" (yeah they have gotten many of the dogs in this area .. n no offence to the maggots cause they were obviously made that way (if some body called God can detect the sarcasm...)but the idea of something eating ur flesh while ur still alive is horrendous n extremely disgusting !!!!!!!)well coming back to Mr Pussy Cat (yeah we didn't name him ....don't ask why it will lead to further divergence from the present topic ..like now for example) coming back .....his paw was swollen n I detected some of my horrible friends in there chomping away ..or melting the flesh to size able proportions ..whatever they do ....I applied what I normally apply n something that has proved to be very effective ....TURMERIC powder aka Haldi in Hindi..now this is an age old remedy for maggots ..they just cant stand the awesome spicy power of turmeric ......so I applied this for three days ..... the wound seemed to be healing ....however the day before yesterday when I saw the leg ...the infection seemed to have increased ..however when I saw the poor fellow biting his own flesh in frustration I realised the cause ....well on that very day my Dada told me that we should take him to the Ahimsa{..means non violence in Hindi) shelter close by since the wound seemed to be more than a mere infection ....I agreed ..N the next day we see ...NO CAT:( he didn't comeback home ..I went out looking for him ..(calling never works in this guys case) ...but couldn't find him ....welll he wasnt a very nice cat u know he kept stealing our food n messing our clothes n his poop st inked ...I had to clean some the other day *( I guess he left it as punishment for not letting him in cause of the smell of his paw ...BUt hey not letting him was my mom's idea...n she was oblivious o the horrendous stench he left near the bathroom )..However I realised that I missed him n That I was actually concerned for his well being ....I was kinda sad bout it u know .. I surprised my self by that ...well I prayed that by some miracle someone somewhere would have taken care of him ...we have loads of good ppl here (I was thinking bout my next door neighbours while saying that ..they love animals more than me...Just imagine if they were my mom's kids ...he he he he he )...but today dad along with bickering about how I sleep till late (hey 10.00am is still morning !!!!!!!!)told me that the cat was back n we would be taking him to the shelter ..I was happy got up got ready ...n all ..may dad gave him milk n fish so that he would stay put ...the task was...how the hell do we take him ..we didn't have a carrier for him as we don't normally take him to a vet ..he is very fortunate in that sense ..so my dad took out an old carry bad ...which the cat jumped out of ...well we needed to think of something more practical ...so Dada (upon my suggestion brought out an old kit bag ...a one with a zipper ) Mr Pussy cat was put in it with his Head sticking out so that he doesn't cause Ne damage to him self .....N the smell was contained inside .....

After a long wait n the pussycat getting more restless by the minute we got a rick ...n off we were ....he gave up struggling half the way n resigned him self to sitting completely inside the bag {..looked to me that he thought ..he was getting the long overdue visit to the market that he so dreaded ...(getting ur food on the platter beats scavenging for it neday ....)}Well as we reached the shelter ..he got restless again ...thank god his head wasn't out side the bag ...I don't know what he would have done if he had seen that pretty cat with the amputated leg bounding up to us to say hi!!The Doctor took one look at him n told us it was gangrene ......n they might have to amputate his leg to stop it from spreading ...mY stomach knotted at size he indicated ....Poor Mr Cat I'm feeling bad as I Write this ... we left him there they will take care of him ..they take care of strays ...our cat isn't completely a stray ...but they will provide him the best care .....We can visit him between 4-6 pm . Well I have to admit it wasn't that easy letting him go there .........but it had to be done....I Know he will be okay whatever happens ..he is Just blessed ......yeah he is .......a Blessed Arse of a CAT!!!! he will be alright ... paw or no paw he will get back to his original Job of stealing our fish when he gets back .........

"Smelly cat Smelly cat what are they feeding you ??

Smelly cat Smelly Cat its not ur fault!!!!!"

Adios ..I will try to get up in time for college tomorrow .......But till then PLs pray for my Cat ....actually pls pray for animals all over the world ..n do ur part in being kind to them ...Just because they cant talk, walk n think rationally doesn't make them lesser Humans u c ..

Well Good bye n god bless cya next time !!!!!muahh!!

Well I didnt go to college today ...stayed in..the swine flu week off just isnt enough ..n like Karen Said .......U only know how much u miss something when its not There ...well we didnt miss college ....It shows how much we like going there ....well dont get me wrong ..I love my college Sophia's has Taught me tonnes.. However ...It gets to be a drag going there every day when ur not having that much fun ...I know I know ..Life isnt all fun and Games ...But what wrong in liking what ur doing ...I Just dont have that much fun In college ..I love the psychology Lectures though especially Abnormal psychology ...we have a great professor Who Im Sure Can even make the theory of relativity interesting n easy to understand ....she is Just great .... a little intimidating though ....my hand Shivers if I have to answer her in Class ...She is the vice Principal after all its not my fault if I am afraid ..(In my defence its a conditioned response)..well I dont know why the hell I took economics ..I just cant figure why a person As normal n as happy as me would want to inflict self torture ...See I dont want to be mean toward the die hard economics fans...heck I dont Understand why some ppl dont like Harry potter I cant believe It sometimes ..........However there is no denying ..that however much I Wanna Stay awake during the Lecture I end up dozing no Actually Sleeping ....Its not my fault if my body decides ..despite mt best efforts ..to switch off at the time of the economics Lecture ....I try but to no avail I dont even know When My eyes shut ...only when I fream of something n then I think .."hey thats not right this shouldnt be here " ..only then I realise that ..Im not awake:(.......the economics professors are such darlings though they Just stare at me ....dont know wheat her there is sympathy there ...I think that too much to ask for though ....welllllllll..I find it funny dozing in class ...too bad we have only economics lectures because of the teachers strike all the more reason to miss college ..welll ...

Today however I did something very productive ...Karen N i got together to bake CAkes ...yeah CHOCOLATE cakes !!!!!!!!!! We did this once before for parents day where I stayed over at her place ...N got a scolding from my MOm!!what could I do ?? we had three cakes to bake n the Icing n all ...We had so much fun that night .....slept with our stomachs full of icing, batter n chocolate !!!!!!!

Well today we baked cakes for no occasion at all ...it was the same chocolate cakes that we decided to bake ...actually it was Karen's Idea n I played along ......Its nice baking with Karen u know, we talk a lot ..we joke a lot and we like each others company ....we didnt get to this stage very easily u know ....but we do more than just baking cakes ..its like bonding for us .....we bitch bout our parents ..discuss what we r going to do further on in life ...n well for us ...Still ...the Hot topic here is GUYs ...yeah ..love them or hate them u cant ignore them!!!!!its sad really both of us are almost in the same situation ...i.e we r the confidants n shoulders to cry on ..of the hunks we like..N i guess they Just dont get it !!!!!!!!which is very frustrating ..well even more frustrating for me especially is the fact that I have no control over my feelings at all when it comes to this ...I dont want to have these feelings however they r still there n for some one I would be great friends with otherwise ...well its a sucky life ......but Kaz n I have decided That we would take the reins in our own hands ...our unsuspecting romeos dont even know they have them u know ..I swore to do this before ...but reality hit me across the face after a while .....oh welll lets see what happens ....for those of u who r wondering why doesnt this girl collect her with n go n tell this guy n get it over with ...well

1. Im Chicken ....(Im almost 20 n havent dated yet well for one I dont fall for every second guy ..this happens only once in a blue moon ...but I fall hard).
2. I have a great friend in him ..don really wanna lose that.
3. Im Chicken (rather let fear win :(..)

Well we'll c how it goes ...

coming back to our cake

The last time we baked we forgot to put in the required quantity of milk in ...so KAren madam Ji puts in extra in one of the containers ....N guess what ???it turned out Just right !! the sponge in the other two with the lesser milk developed cracks:(... well never fear when ZENA's here !!! SUggested that we'd make rum balls with the tops that cracked

n we did

They r called Kaz' s n Zena's Super Rummy ballz!!!!!Well well will be giving our Special friend in college these to taste ....welll they turned out good ..n the extra kick made me happy ...happy happy happy!!!!!LOL

I have temporarily forgotten bout the teenage woes that I spoke bout ....well I think enough for today ...will write in more tomorrow now .... However I will leave u with a Passage from the bible that was chosen for reading at the community meeting today its from Mt 22:1-14 its bout a king keeping a feast ...n few ppl come for it ..(well im no gonna elaborate google the reading ) Ill just tell u what it meant to me ....welll the feast stands for all that is there out there for us all that we can achieve ..the king for me stands for the entity I choose to call God ...who invites us to participate fully in life ..i.e. doing all that we can do n achieving whatever we want ..the ppl who dont come for the feast are those who for some reason or the other choose to be complacent let life happen instead of making it happen ...n well in the parable its said taht they die ..the king orders them to be killed ..well to me if u do not do what u wanna do if ur not happy u will die inside ....

I interpreted the Reading this way ..well I liked my interpretation u know ...beats the "sin" versions that others gave .....I dont even know whether we r capable of sinning ...with God in us ?????oh well some may beg to differ ne ways I need shut eye to go to college tomorrow so i will cya later Cya .....

Greatest love is self Love ...it pours out to others ....osmosis:)

Just a start ...

Wow Finally I have my own Blog ....well seeing that I have no propaganda in mind ....I might as well make my self my own propaganda....love Writing ...especially bout my self ... n my life .. it seems more Interesting that way u know ....NE ways m new to blogging so will take things slow ....just leave a little of my self here for to days quota....this is from my face book profile ....YEah bout my self .....true very true .. There R many things bout Me..... things That I don’t Know n things that others do ...I tend to Find myself Amazing at times .......I love this world that I'm living in ...I'm fairly blessed .....Nothing Worst than...the occasional heart break has ever happened to me ....I have a good life n I owe that to my Parents ....I love socializing n getting to know people ..They always surprise me ...I’m deeply spiritual...n Love questioning n discovering various aspects of this religion called Christianity That I follow ...I’m a very good public speaker ....I have a way with words n know how to get myself out of trouble ....I Like being alone most of the times ..but don’t often have that privilege ...I believe in love n believe that that’s the only thing sustaining us today ....I can imagine a world full of it n It looks Good ...I have loads of potential n can achieve what I set my mind to...but unfortunately ......I have a hard time getting over my laziness n often m not pleased with some of the work I do ...however what I find less others seem to like so... well...l it works in my favor ....but It makes me think of what the outcome would be if I would have really done my best ....I also know That I’m improving each day n I really am what I would like myself to be .....I believe in God n believe that god is the whole Universe ...although I may get side tracked I always find my peace when I come to the source of It... ME......Oh yeah I’m very emotional at times ...I find it difficult to cry ...but Animal Planet... Star movies...HBO....CNN ...Oprah n Harry Potter have a way of making me do so.....Well I’m learning to stand up for myself n express my opinion regardless of the consequences ...Used to be a people pleas er but that is changing now .....I believe in Idealism...I know I know that an ideal world is a myth But if we tend to be realist all the time we also tend to get complacent n stop trying to be our best ...N Realizing our potential is something all of us are called to do......we need to think ideally n be realistic that’s what will get us somewhere .......Wow I can write when I want to!! ......The good, bad n ugly I know it all!!!!.....HEhehehe Thank you!!!!Disclaimer: Also want to say that some things bout me r subject to change according to what I learn....So don’t hold me up for what I write here k…or Ill bite Ur head off!! I'm no Super woman ....I see the world through rose tinted Glasses most of the time .........cause really how bad can bad be ...I don't think that there is Ne thing that well cant be sorted out u know ..yeah I do tend to make a mountain of a mole hill but everything turns out good for me.. .in the end .....Even the things hat I regret doing .....